Thanks for the pizza, Mom, I'm good where I'm at

So I made it to 40 weeks. Starting tomorrow(in about 3 hours) I am now overdue. Every stinking hour that goes by after midnight tonight shall be tracked and rent shall be charged from this kid's first paycheck.
You hear me, Tanner? It's time to come out.
I am going to start a list of all the things that do not induce labor.
Everyone seems to have a great idea about this, so I think I am now able to speak freely about what doesn't work. After all, once you pass your due date, there's not much to do but wait, anyway.
All my little tickers have run out now.
No big chicken hatching out of this egg. My floating baby ticker from "Parents" magazine ended in a pretty uneventful "zero days to go". Yeah, right.
My cute little turtle ticker that was crawling across the beach just hid in his shell. I haven't even looked to see what happened to the butterfly at the end of this page, but I can tell you it isn't a baby.
I am tired of hearing that first pregnancies go late. Not true. Some people just go late, and I am one of them. There are plenty of first time moms out there that had their baby before they hit the 40+ mark. I hate them.
I am glad that I am not "sick", don't get me wrong, but that doesn't mean I feel great. I feel like dogsh*t to be honest. I know things could be worse, so I will just let it go, but let me say that I want him out.
Things that will not induce labor...mopping the floor, moving boxes around, sweeping and bending, doing laundry, cutting hair, eating spicy food, bouncing up and down, taking a walk, taking more walks, walking through a crowded festival to find as many snacks as humanly possible and eating those while walking more. Sauerkraut pizza, sauerkraut on a hot dog, sauerkraut in general, chocolate brownies, and putting the top on a Wrangler. Another thing that doesn't induce anything but drama is putting on one of your big sweatshirts that doesn't even fit now that your Great Pumpkin is the size of a preschooler.
Come out, Tanner...Mommy will give you a cookie.