Things no one tells you before you get pregnant...

So, with many dear girlfriends who have children, I honestly am unsure why no one shared some of this information with me before. Maybe they only talk about it with other moms, maybe they figure if they let the cat out of the bag, their kidless friends will remain that way. I am not sure. I do know that things started happening to me early on that I just don't remember hearing much about while my friends were incubators.

Morning sickness you hear about. Cravings, too. No biggie.

What I am talking about here are some things like round ligament pain. Sure, people brag that they don't have to deal with tampons for 9 months, but no one had mentioned to me that I would have cramps on a quite consistent basis. Every few days, sometimes for days in a row? What is this sh*t about, anyway? Yes, I know things are stretching down there. Duh. Seriously, I guess I figured it would be more gradual, like flexing and relaxing muscles, rather than being gutted with a fishing knife.

Another thing, here. Booby pain. I never realized that along with very sore and sensitive also comes stabbing, throbbing, aching, and the sensation of passing a kidney stone from my nipple. All of these things, I am now assured, are normal. Are you kidding me?

Having shooting pain in my crotch is not something I knew was even possible. This has to be as bad as some of the most vile STDs known, and again, only now am I hearing this is normal.

Maybe I would have been more versed in this had I read a copy of the well known "What to Expect.." however, since I didn't really expect to be expecting, it wasn't on my book club list.

Hmmm...I am now being told that this thing called a mucus plug will dump itself into my pants to let me know that the baby is coming soon. I would rather get a phone call or an email. Even a rash, I think.

Meconium. I learned about this only days ago. How nice to know my baby will come out to see me and the rest of the world all filled up with poop that won't even come off with bleach and a blow torch.

I learn more things I don't want to know almost every day. Why did no one mention these before? Why are these mommy secrets? Maybe I should have asked more questions before deciding to buy.

This post will be continued as I learn more through my new mommy status, experience, or a secret decoder ring...